Viewing and Funeral

The viewing for Calvin will be held Thursday, May 3, from 6-8PM at West Family Funeral Services located at 17 Merrimon Avenue, Weaverville, NC.

Calvin's funeral service will be at 2:30 in the afternoon of Friday, May 4th at the same location with burial immediately following at West Memorial Park in Weaverville.

Obituaries will be appearing in: The Asheville Citizen Times, Asheville, NC; The Hampton Roads Daily Press, Hampton, VA; The Daily Journal, Vineland, NJ; Bridgeton Evening News, Bridgeton, NJ; Today’s Sunbeam, Salem, NJ; Prescott Daily Courier, Prescott, AZ; and The Prescott Valley Tribune, Prescott Valley, AZ.

I been asked where monetary donations can be sent. There are two that Calvin would find worthy: his church - The Weaverville Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (mailing address: Weaverville Ward, 488 Cow Mountain Road, Marshall, NC 28753-4012); or to be put into a College Fund for his daughter Allison Dimsha (mailing address 908 New Stock Road, Weaverville, NC 28787).

The end . . and a new beginning

Calvin passed away quietly, comfortably, and peacefully at 8:15 AM this morning, Sunday, April 29 in his bed at the Solace Facility. I was with him the whole time, so he was not alone. His body will be transported to West Family Funeral Home in Weaverville today. Once arrangements have been made for his viewing and funeral, I will update this weblog again.

Solace Care day 4

Allison arrived back from college just before 1AM Sunday night/Monday morning. She brought all her college books with her. We slept well until I got a phone call at 4:30 Monday morning from Solace Care. Calvin's breathing had changed and they wanted me to know. So I woke up Allison, we quickly slipped into some clothes and we headed out. When we arrived, Calvin's breathing sounded really bad. It was like nothing we had ever heard before. Allison says that to her it was like how it sounds when newlyweds drive off with tin cans tied to the back of their car dragging on the road. His breathing was like that for several hours, than gradually it went back to the way he had been breathing.

Dr. Soufas, a Hospice doctor, came in and examined him later that morning. We talked. She feels that it will not be weeks that Calvin will linger like this, but only a matter of days.

Calvin can no longer take anything by mouth, so they took him off the oxycontin/oxycodone and all his other meds and got him set up with a subcutaneous morphine pump. It is programmed to release a set amount of morphine every 2 to 3 minutes. It seems to be doing a good job managing his pain. The only pain he seems to be feeling is occasional pain/spasms around the catheter. They are trying to get that better managed by using a topical analgesic gel, I think it is called lydocaine (?).

He has had several visitors. Sometimes he seems to be aware of their presence and shows some response. He especially seemed to recognize Teelco and Fiaz, two of his coworkers. At times Calvin can make eye contact, smile, and speak somewhat. But it is not very much. We have been told that hearing is the last thing to go so we continue to talk to him. His condition though is deteriorating. Today I asked the nurse about a white saltiness around his neck and on his face. She said that is from the kidneys starting to break down.

I spent the night there last night. They have a sleeping area at the far side of the room, a large sort of built in sleeping shelf/seat. It is a large as a twin bed and has a comfortable mattress. I brought my lightweight sleeping bag, pillows and jammies and slept pretty comfortably. Allison wanted to go back home to sleep. She is fine being on her own, well, with Sophie, Vinnie, and Casper. I will be doing the sleepover thing with Calvin again tonight and Allison will come back home. She is with him now so I could write some checks for some bills that are due, get a load of laundry done, and update this blog, and get a little break. Just before I left to come home a large beautiful arrangement of flowers was delivered that are from a couple who are good friends of ours here. The outpouring of love, caring, and assistance has been phenomenal. We are very blessed to be cared for and prayed for by wonderful, wonderful friends and family.

The Solace Facility is really very nice. There is a great big Great Room with large fireplace, baby grand piano, game and puzzle tables, several sitting areas with couches and chairs. There is a full kitchen for the use of families who want to use it and a private family dining room which seats about 8 people at the table. There is a small chapel with a large beautiful stained glass window. A walking path goes completely around the whole building. There are several seating areas outside with tables, chairs, rocking chairs, and a gazebo, spread out around the grounds. It is a small facility, with only 26 rooms. The care and staff there are great. Very gentle, caring, and attentive. They give him good baths, and lotion up his dry skin, and see that all his needs, as well as mine, are met. He is in a good place. Just waiting.

Admitted to Hospice Solace Facility

Friday morning we went to Victoria Urology and met with Calvin's urologist, Dr. Sech. With Calvin's urinary tract infection Dr. Sech was hesitant to do the super pubic catheter insertion for fear of spreading the infection to other areas of Calvin's body. He wanted to try to put into place a regular Foley catheter and would do it at the hospital with Calvin sedated under anesthesia. Great, that was what Calvin preferred from the start. So that was what was done. I had only been in the waiting room about 30 minutes when Dr. Sech came to talk to me. He had no problem getting it in, and he did a good irrigation and flushing out of the bladder as well. Calvin took a little longer that 'normal' to wake up, but as soon as he did he was ready to get dressed and get back home. It was late afternoon, and he slept well. Allison and her friend Mark were picked up from college by friends and arrived late Friday night.

Saturday morning, as Calvin was standing beside the bed, he suddenly fell backwards. He did not hurt himself, but did break a floor lamp. I was able to get him up off of the floor and back to sitting on the bed. After checking him over, he really did not get hurt anywhere. Allison brought in the wheel chair that we had borrowed from a neighbor. We felt safer with him not trying to walk. As I cooked breakfast Calvin sat comfortably at the dining room table. He ate a good breakfast, then wanted to get into his recliner in the living room. He quickly fell asleep.

I called Hospice Home Care and requested that a nurse come by. His breathing had been getting worse since Thursday and was still not good. He was also becoming more and more confused and disoriented, his fall seemed to indicate that he had become weaker and I wanted to talk about possible Solace Care. When the nurse came she checked his vitals then tried to talk to Calvin, but he was totally unresponsive. None of us could wake him up. Also Calvin's legs and feet were a little swollen. So it was decided to admit him for observation and evaluation of his current status and abilities. The nurse made several phone calls to get this all set up as we tried to get Calvin to respond to us. After a while an ambulance arrived to transport Calvin, and as the attendants came through the front door, Calvin finally opened his eyes. It had been about 3 or 4 hours of being unresponsive. I talked to him to try to explain what was happening, but I am not sure how much he understand.

So Calvin is at Solace, which is off of Sweeten Creek Road in Asheville, in room 112. A doctor checked him over as well as a couple of nurses and got him settled in and comfortable. He slept more, but did wake up enough to eat his supper. A little later I gave him some chocolate cake that I had brought from home. He could not control the fork in his hand so had a hard time feeding himself. I helped him. Also when he received a phone call, I handed him my cell phone, but he could not hold it in his hand, or bring it up to his ear, so Allison held it for him. Later that evening as we were leaving, after we woke him up, he did not recognize Allison right away, but did when she got close enough to him. I learned today that he had a restful night.

This morning we went to church then over to Solace so Allison could see Calvin again before she was taken back to college. Calvin slept most of the time, and we are not sure if he knew we were even there. Allison and Mark were taken back to college, but Allison is being driven right back home again tonight. She didn't want to go back to school, because she wants to be with her dad, so she is bringing all her college books back home with her. She will try to contact each of her teachers to see if they with work out someway for her to get her assignments done and to do them from home here. This is the last week of college classes coming up April 23-27. Then the next week is finals. That will need to get worked out somehow as well. I spent most of the day at Solace, coming home for some supper, and to walk the dogs. It is only 12 miles from home. I left around 11Pm, and Calvin was asleep. He made no signs of knowing that I was telling him goodbye. Allison and I will be back in the morning.

Surgery Tomorrow

Over all this was a pretty decent week for Calvin since I last updated his blog, up until yesterday. On April 10 we went to the cemetery and chose our double-wide plot, then went back to the funeral home and bought it. Wednesday morning, April 12, our social worker stopped by for a nice visit. Later Teelco, Jose, Fiaz and Art came by for lunch. They are some of Calvin's friends and co-workers from Thermo Fischer. Calvin enjoyed the pizzas they brought, as well as their visit. Then another former co-worker, Anthony, and his wife stopped by with an old laptop computer for Calvin. He enjoyed the short visit with them too. Calvin's nurse came by on Friday. That night Allison made it home from college for the weekend again. Our best friends from Hampton, Virgina brought her. They came over again Saturday for dinner and some Yahtzee and Apples to Apples. Calvin really wanted to join in but was too tired to make it out of his recliner. He slept through the game playing. They took Allison back to college on Sunday.

Calvin's nurse came by again Monday morning. She made arrangements for Calvin to be put on oxygen, to help his breathing and hopefully give him a little energy. His in-home unit and several portable tanks were delivered early that evening. So he is tethered to oxygen now. He seemed to be doing a little bit better Tuesday and Wednesday, but today he seems worse again.

On Tuesday Calvin's mother and brother arrived back from their trip to NJ. Calvin went out to the cemetery on Wednesday with them because he wanted them to see our plot. It was a lovely day and he enjoyed getting out.

This morning, Thursday, Calvin's mother and brother left here for their drive back to their homes in Arizona. Around noon today I called Hospice Care. Since Wednesday and continuing through today, Calvin has not been able to urinate. It's been almost nothing. Yesterday he told me to just wait a little, but today I would not. Calvin's nurse is off today and tomorrow, but another Hospice nurse came out and talked about his options. Do nothing, have urine continue to back up in his bladder and kidneys until it kills him in a few days. A Foley catheter is not an option since his prostate tumor is most likely causing this by closing off his ureter. There would be no way to get a Foley catheter in there. So, the final option, and the one Calvin has chosen is to get a super pubic catheter. He has a 9AM appointment tomorrow, Friday, April 20, with his urologist, then we will go over to the hospital for the outpatient procedure which is scheduled for noon. Hopefully all will go well and he will be back home in a few hours. We will know more tomorrow when we talk to Dr. Sech.

Getting By With a Little Help From My Meds

This is being updated by Donna again. Since last blog Calvin has had a lot of short visits from friends and family. On Sunday April 1st my oldest son, Joe, drove down from Michigan to help me will some jobs around the house and yard, and to see Calvin. I had a lengthy list for him which he finished, except for scraping the wood around the outside doors and the porch railings so I can paint them sometime. He was a good slave boy. While he was here he went with me to West Funeral Home. Calvin is interested in having some say in his funeral preparations, so we brought back some information for him to review, and he has chosen his coffin, and the cemetery. Calvin will be going with me to the funeral home this afternoon to pick out our cemetery plot. My son Joe left for home Wednesday evening, April 4.

Also on the evening of Wednesday, April 4, Calvin's mother and brother arrived. They drove here from Arizona. They stayed until yesterday morning, Monday, April 9. They drove on up to New Jersey where several aunts live. They will visit there for about a week and return back here with us Tuesday next week. Calvin was glad to see them and enjoyed their visit.

On Friday my sister and her two sons came for a short lunch visit. They drove all the way down from Maryland, stayed only a few hours, then were back on their way home. Calvin also enjoyed seeing them.

Friday night, April 6, my second son, Dean, and his wife, Hillary, arrived, bringing Allison home from college with them. They drove here from the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, area. Calvin had really been missing Allison. It was great to have her home for the weekend. We also enjoyed seeing Dean and Hillary, and their 2 daschunds. They all left here on Sunday afternoon.

Calvin's Hospice nurse was here Monday, April 2. Calvin's left upper arm pain was continuing to increase with not really much relief from the pain medication. Even the teeniest movement of his left arm or hand was excruciating. On Tuesday, April 3, Nurse Jane visited again. On Wednesday, our Hospice Social Worker Pamela came to see us. On Thursday, Nurse Jane and Dr. Soufas, one of the Hospice doctors came to see Calvin. They believe that the pain in Calvin's arm could be from a hairline fracture of the bone in his upper arm. Small cell cancer, when it attacks the bones, can sometimes cause a pathological fracture of a bone. Calvin had been wearing a sling for about a week, but it didn't help enough. So Nurse Jane advised using a sling and swath, which slings the arm, and then wraps the arm close to the body so there cannot be any movement. He started wearing that Thursday afternoon and it has helped a lot to keep his arm and hand immobilized. His pain meds have been slowing increased over this past week as well.

Sunday Calvin was able to go to church with Allison and me and his brother Charlie. A neighbor friend loaned us a wheelchair that had been her husband's. With that Calvin was wheeled in to church right from the parking lot, and back out again afterwards. It made it easier for him.

Yesterday Nurse Jane came. She again upped Calvin's pain meds. She wants to get him to a place where he is not needing so many breakthrough pain pills, so she increased his long-acting pain pills even more. She also obtained a sample from Calvin for a urinalysis because of some symptoms Calvin was experiencing. This morning she called and said that he does have a urinary track infection - again. She will be dropping by some different antibiotics for him later today.

I am officially on a Leave of Absence from my job at Mission Hospital, beginning yesterday, at no pay, of course. One of my co-workers will be doing my job while I am out. Her work was distributed to several other girls. My manager, supervisor, and co-workers have been just great. I was told that several of them want to donate some of their PTO (paid time off). With the 7 days I had accumulated and their donations I may get a couple of pay checks yet to come.

Calvin's outlook remains the same. Please keep the emails coming. I print every one out for Calvin. When he is up to it he enjoys short visits as well.

Hospice Care

This is Donna writing. Taking up where I last left off, Calvin had brain radiation on Thursday & Friday, March 22 & 23. He had another bad weekend and was not able to go to church with me Sunday morning.

Monday at noon we went to his appointment at Cancer Care and met with his doctor. After asking how Calvin felt and how he was doing, he gave us the CT scan news. The scans looked bad. The cancer has spread a lot. At some point Calvin told him that he had just had enough pain and suffering. More chemo would just result in more suffering, with no hope for improvement. Calvin also said he didn't want any more radiation either. He just wants it all to stop and for him to be allowed to die, the pain and suffering has gone on too long. Dr. Chay respects Calvin's wishes and understands. There is nothing more he can do for Calvin now anyway. This cancer is incurable and very aggressive, which we were told at the start, back in June 2006. Dr. Chay said he would have Hospice contact us and they would care for Calvin's needs from here on out, but that he would always be available for Calvin at any time if Calvin wanted to see him or talk to him. I asked him what he felt Calvin's life expectancy might be. He said it could be weeks, maybe a month. So we left there in tears, even though Calvin has been feeling that the cancer has gotten worse, we didn't expect the one month prognosis. So we will prepare as best we can and leave the timing up to God.

So, everything has been cancelled: chemo, radiation, and an appointment with his urologist.

Hospice called Tuesday and set up an appointment to come see us. Wednesday morning we were visited by a Hospice social worker and a Hospice admissions nurse. They were wonderful. Calvin signed some paper work and everything is set up for Calvin to receive Home Hospice Care. They gave me their phone number and urged me to call them at any time if there is anything Calvin needs, or if some problem occurs. It is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If at some point he needs more care than can be given here at home he will go to their Solace Facility in Asheville.

On Thursday the Home Hospice nurse who will be Calvin's permanent nurse called and came over to meet us and talk to us and get Calvin's meds all organized. The plan being to get Calvin's pain under control. She made some adjustments to his oxycontin and oxycodone. She will be back Monday and see how Calvin did over the weekend. If need be she will continue to make adjustments, and perhaps some changes in pain medications to get the pain managed better. They also delivered a walking cane, and walker, and a shower chair for Calvin. He is very weak and wobbly when he is up walking around.

Today my brother/sister-in-law/& 3 nephews are coming from the Atlanta, GA area for a short visit. Calvin is up to short visits. Tomorrow my son is driving down from Michigan to help me out. There are several unfinished projects in Calvin's workshop in the basement that need to be finished up, and there is some strenuous yard work that needs doing that I can't do. So he will be getting some odds and ends taken care of for me. He will be here 3 days, then drive back up to Michigan. Calvin's mom and brother are driving out from Arizona and plan to be here by Wednesday night. They will have a short visit of a few days here. Starting next weekend Allison will be coming home from college at SVU in Buena Vista, VA, every weekend. My other son and daughter-in-law in Pennsylvania will be bringing her home on Friday and taking her back to college after church Easter morning.

Calvin is still not using a computer, but I will print any emails for him so he can read them. I will try to keep this blog updated on a weekly basis.